Admirable Habits
by Runawaymetaphor
Summary: Whom would Kathryn Janeway comm if she got really, really bored? A companion/tandem story to Alpha Flyer's "Commanding Reasons"
1. Admiral-able Behavior

**Summary: **Because e_ven people with important jobs must get bored at some point, right? _

**Author's Note:**_ An old, plotless ficlet I once dug up for Alpha Flyer's private amusement. Now resurrected again, and continued - with Alpha Flyer's (soon-to-be-compelled) help. _

_. . .  
_

* * *

_From: Adm. Kathryn E. Janeway, SFHQ  
__To: Cdr. Thomas E. Paris, U.S.S. Voyager_  
_Stardate: 65907.15_  
_Subject: Furlough  
____

A short note to say it was lovely having you, B'Elanna and Miral in Indiana; the entirety of the extended Janeway clan even made me promise you that your brood would return to the farm whenever Voyager's next passes by Earth. I trust your father has forgiven you for not passing your whole furlough in San Francisco?

I won't say 'good luck' on your first week as XO, as I firmly believe we each make our own luck. I do, however, have every confidence you'll live up to the high standard set by Voyager's last executive officer, serving as an exemplary (if not always conventional) role model for her crew.

Also, please tell Chakotay that the bathtub in the Captain's quarters has a habit of producing ice cold water at highly inconvenient times.

Fondest affections,

K.J.

* * *

_From: Cdr. Thomas E. Paris, U.S.S. Voyager  
__To: Adm. Kathryn E. Janeway, SFHQ_  
_Stardate: 65907.32_  
_Subject: Re Furlough  
____  


You'll be happy to hear that Miral is already asking when we'll go sledding again - much to her snow-loathing mother's dismay. Oh, and I passed on the bathtub warning to Voyager's newest Captain, who responded with a grunted 'so I noticed'. Me thinks there's a story there... Perhaps I'll try to wrangle it out of Seven?

O_f course_ you don't believe in luck. Wouldn't do for Voyager's former pool shark to admit that any cosmic force ever aided her in bilking a _deplorable __number _of rations out of her best pilot. Hmph!

Ship and crew performing admirably. Even the new XO, who's trying his best to get used to the fact that his Captain hums... _Loudly_.

* * *

_From: Adm. Kathryn E. Janeway, SFHQ_  
_To: Cdr. Thomas E. Paris, U.S.S. Voyager_  
_Stardate: 65907.44_  
_Subject: Re Furlough  
__

You never noticed that Chakotay hums?

It's even louder when he's reading a report...

* * *

_From: Cdr. Thomas E. Paris, U.S.S. Voyager_  
_To: Adm. Kathryn E. Janeway, SFHQ_  
_Stardate: 65907.52_  
_Subject: Re Furlough_

Well, no. But then, my previous station allowed for a safe, four-meter distance between his lips and my presently suffering ears.

How in the hell did you manage listening to it for seven years? It's, like, not even a _melody_.

* * *

_From: Adm. Kathryn E. Janeway, SFHQ_  
_To: Cdr. Thomas E. Paris, U.S.S. Voyager_  
_Stardate: 65915.23_  
_Subject: There are worse things…  
____

Apologies for comm silence. I spent my week in talks with the Romulans, as well as listening to three full Admirals complain about each other (sequentially). Which brings me to your last message.

There are (much) worse things to listen to during a workday than Chakotay's odd, atonal humming. Granted, it helped that every once in awhile someone like, oh, the Kazon or the Borg would were kind enough to fire on us, causing Chakotay to temporarily stop.

* * *

_From: Cdr. Thomas E. Paris, U.S.S. Voyager_  
_To: Adm. Kathryn E. Janeway, SFHQ_  
_Stardate: 65915.4_7  
_Subject: Re There are worse things…  
____

Oh, oh, oh! Which Admirals?

I know not Dad. He doesn't bitch _about _people, just _at _them, which I actually kinda respect about him now. And I don't see the ol' Russian Winter as the gossipy type.

Any hints?

* * *

_From: Adm. Kathryn E. Janeway, SFHQ_  
_To: Cdr. Thomas E. Paris, U.S.S. Voyager_  
_Stardate: 65916.2_  
_Subject: Re There are worse things…  
____

Full Admirals do not gossip. And Vice Admirals who would provide specific evidence to the contrary do not make it to Full Admiral. Follow me?

In brighter news: I heard Voyager might be escorting the Bolian Ambassador to the conference on Eran IV next month. And as it so happens, yours truly will also be in attendance.

Comm me if the stars align in our favor. In the meantime, I need to go behave like an Admiral, which means not composing personal messages at my desk...

* * *

_From: Cdr. Thomas E. Paris, U.S.S. Voyager_  
_To: Adm. Kathryn E. Janeway, SFHQ_  
_Stardate: 65930.25_  
_Subject: Admiral-able Behavior  
____  


We are officially confirmed as Ambassador Shrell's diplomatic taxi service, thus prompting me to ask:

1) Which of us is bringing the Romulan Ale to Eran IV?

2) How are we going to get Chakotay bombed? (Safely away from the impressionable eyes of the crew, of course.)

* * *

_From: Adm. Kathryn E. Janeway, SFHQ_  
_To: Cdr. Thomas E. Paris, U.S.S. Voyager_  
_Stardate: 65930.47_  
_Subject: Re Admiral-able Behavior  
____

That subject line is horrid, even for _your _sense of humor, Thomas.

Romulan Ale? I'm sure I wouldn't know where to find such a restricted substance, certainly wouldn't have an entire case safely hidden away at the farm in Indiana, and _most definitely _wouldn't be crass enough to bank on lower officers being too terrified of my rank to check my luggage when loading it onto a shuttle. [Wink]

Chakotay is barely a social drinker, so good luck getting him drunk. Then again, maybe he won't hum if he's hungover and, thus, sensitive to sound?

P.S. I heard a rumor that Harry Kim's latest love interest turned out to be a Changeling. Please tell me that one of the gossip-mongers in the _very _long chain stretching from San Francisco to the U.S.S. Prometheus got this one wrong?

* * *

_From: Cdr. Thomas E. Paris, U.S.S. Voyager_  
_To: Adm. Kathryn E. Janeway, SFHQ_  
_Stardate: 65931.3_  
_Subject: Re: Admiral-able Behavior  
____

Ah, yes. Harry. Dear, sweet, blind Harry.

The Changeling thing? I'm afraid 'tis true. It seems that our Mr. Kim can manipulate any sensor system ever created, but he still has no idea how to read women. I blame it on his sheltered upbringing. Or maybe the Delaneys. Kind of a toss up, really.

B'Elanna has offered to fix him up twice, and he's turned her down both times. Can't say I blame him. None of B's friends are on Harry's ship, and long-distance relationships are a drag. But the wife and I _do _know a lot of very handsome men in San Francisco, should a certain Vice Admiral ever require a bit of arm candy.

Gotta go. Kid crying. But we're a 'Go' for Operation Tank the Captain - B'Elanna and others have signed on to help.

* * *

_From: Adm. Kathryn E. Janeway, SFHQ_  
_To: Cdr. Thomas E. Paris, U.S.S. Voyager_  
_Stardate: 65938.9_  
_Subject: Five things  
____

Five things I would rather do than sit in this absolutely pointless briefing:

1. Shave my head.  
2. Drink Neelix's 'coffee substitute'.  
3. Have a lovely chat with some Vidiians about my organs.  
4. Swim naked with electric eels.  
5. Listen to Chakotay hum.

* * *

_From: Cdr. Thomas E. Paris, U.S.S. Voyager_  
_To: Adm. Kathryn E. Janeway, SFHQ_  
_Stardate: 65938.91_  
_Subject: Re: Five Things  
____

May I add, on your behalf?

6. Listen to the Doc yammer about his new, "revolutionary" research on the medicinal uses of Andorian Ice Sloth droppings.  
7. Explain to Seven of Nine that a 'three-way' isn't just a kind of power interface.

* * *

_From: Adm. Kathryn E. Janeway, SFHQ_  
_To: Cdr. Thomas E. Paris, U.S.S. Voyager_  
_Stardate: 65938.93_  
_Subject: Re Five Things  
__

Did the Doctor send you that journal manuscript, too? And here I thought I was the only lucky one! Perhaps I should be more open-minded, being a scientist, but I tend to think those pictures in his addendum were a little _much_.

Re 7, I do hope there isn't a story there.

* * *

_From: Cdr. Thomas E. Paris, U.S.S. Voyager_  
_To: Adm. Kathryn E. Janeway, SFHQ_  
_Stardate: 65939.0_  
_Subject: Re Five Things  
____  


'Re 7'. Ha! Get it?

Yes, there is a story there, though tamer than whatever your imagination has no doubt come up with, _Admiral_. B'Elanna made a bit of an off-color joke when we were dining with them in their quarters the other day, and the conversation ground to halt when Seven, in genuine confusion, asked what she meant. Chakotay came back into the room just in time to save B from providing some rather, uh, sensitive education.

But we've digressed from our purpose...

8. Polish Admiral Picard's head ... _Someone_ has to do it, now that Will Riker has his own ship.  
9. Explain to dear Harry that, no, as a matter of fact, that very tall, muscular woman he met in the space station bar really isn't a _woman _at all. . .  
10. Babysit my child after she's consumed chocolate, followed by Klingon peppers. (Happened yesterday. Can you say 'antimatter explosion'?)

* * *

_From: Adm. Kathryn E. Janeway, SFHQ_  
_To: Cdr. Thomas E. Paris, U.S.S. Voyager_  
_Stardate: 65939.05_  
_Subject: Re Five Things  
____

Alright. This has to stop.

9-10 on their own would have been enough to almost send me off into a fit of unseemly giggles, but 8 forced me to _excuse myself _from the briefing room so I could laugh-cry. (Jean-Luc is seated next to me in the briefing, wouldn't you know).

Remind me never to reach out to you for moral support, Commander.

* * *

_From: Comm. Thomas E. Paris, U.S.S. Voyager_  
_To: Adm. Kathryn E. Janeway, SFHQ_  
_Stardate: 65939.1_  
_Subject: Re Five Things  
____

Yes, ma'am. Sorry, ma'am. See you in a few days, ma'am!

* * *

_From: Adm. Kathryn E. Janeway, SFHQ_  
_To: Cdr. Thomas E. Paris, U.S.S. Voyager_  
_Stardate: 65944.6_  
_Subject: The Incident on Eran IV  
____

Commander,

I don't know where to begin this note, having found myself at... such a complete loss for how to begin dissecting the travesty that was the conference on Eran IV.

First, I can honestly say that I've never- not even in my cadet days- had to clean up vomit while in uniform. To say _nothing_ of having to do it in my dress whites. And who's _brilliant idea _was it to give Seven some of the Romulan Ale in the first place?

Between Chakotay being drunk and thus utterly useless in discretely transporting his wife back to the ship, and you disappearing with B'Elanna to do … whatever it was that you did (I am _not_ asking, Thomas), I am left with the very unsettling impression that after nine years and 80,000 thousand light years together, I am the only one who hasn't _completely _lost her sense of decorum.

What, exactly, do you have to say for yourself, Mister Paris?

* * *

_From: Cdr. Thomas E. Paris, U.S.S. Voyager_  
_To: Adm. Kathryn E. Janeway, SFHQ_  
_Stardate: 65945.2_  
_Subject: Re The Incident on Eran IV  
____

. . . Buy you a beer when we dock at McKinley Station in two weeks?

* * *

_From: Adm. Kathryn E. Janeway, SFHQ_  
_To: Cdr. Thomas E. Paris, U.S.S. Voyager_  
_Stardate: 65945.3_  
_Subject: Re The Incident on Eran IV  
____

**Deal.** ___  
_

. . . . .

TBC, in a boredom-filled galaxy near you. ;-)


	2. Picard's Ancient Instrument

**Author's Note: **

_Dearest __Alpha: I was informed by another fencer that "foil is for practice, sabre is for theater, and épée is for real."__ Seeing as you were an epeest, I trust you'll appreciate the value of me hitting... a little below the torso in this installment. _  


_. . .  
_

* * *

_From: Cdr. Thomas E. Paris, U.S.S. Voyager  
__To: Adm. Kathryn E. Janeway, SFHQ_  
_Stardate: 65975.3_  
_Subject: Miral's present__  
____

B'Elanna and I wanted to send a thank you for the sweater you knitted Miral for our next sledding trip. One question though- a small matter really - is there _a reason_ it has two neck holes? I mean, the last time B and I checked, our darling daughter is _humanoid _and possesses only one cranium. [Smirk]

Thanks for the Saurian brandy, Miral's present, and the much-needed laugh. We'll try to make it back to McKinley soon, if only to acquire more 'unique' winter garments. The last one proved a great icebreaker in my one-on-one with Chakotay!

* * *

_From: Adm. Kathryn E. Janeway, SFHQ  
To: Cdr. Thomas E. Paris, U.S.S. Voyager_  
_Stardate: 65976.12  
Subject: Re Miral's present__  
____

Ahem. I believe I mentioned over drinks that knitting is a _new _hobby for me, and I'm still getting the hang of it, yes? Not that your or Chakotay would know what it's like to have difficulty with a task such as, say, understanding the _very basics _of temporal mechanics, or flying a shuttle craft in something _resembling_ a straight path.

Sigh. Who am I kidding? Knitting is something my mother and sister love, yet somehow, in _my_ hands, a knitting needle becomes... err, weaponized. I guess we should all be grateful it's one of fairly localized yield?

I need a hobby, maybe something to do when I have to travel on Fleet business. Hate to admit it, but I kind of wish I had you around to design me a new holo-program. I could even go for some Captain Proton at this point.

* * *

_From: Cdr. Thomas E. Paris, U.S.S. Voyager  
__To: Adm. Kathryn E. Janeway, SFHQ_  
_Stardate: 65976.5_1  
_Subject: You kind of asked for this...__  
____

A new holo-program, you say?

I can do that.

How tall would you like him this time?

* * *

_From: Adm. Kathryn E. Janeway, SFHQ  
To: Cdr. Thomas E. Paris, U.S.S. Voyager_  
_Stardate: 65977.2_  
_Subject: Re You kind of asked for this...__  
____

Thomas Eugene, you're a petty little man, and the first chance I get, I'm suggesting to Chakotay you manually check Voyager's waste recycling system. You did say you wanted to be familiar with _every _part of the ship, if I recall correctly.

Oh, and know that I'll bide my time on that recommendation, waiting for the week when Chef Chell has served his famous 'Warp Core Chili' to the crew.

Yours,  
The Unamused Architect of Your Doom

* * *

_From: Cdr. Thomas E. Paris, U.S.S. Voyager  
__To: Adm. Kathryn E. Janeway, SFHQ_  
_Stardate: 65977.3_  
_Subject: Re You kind of asked for this...__  
____  


I surrender! Unconditionally even!

Speaking of surrender, I forgot I was supposed to be the one picking up Miral from the nursery today. Now I have on my hands one tiny, tantrum-throwing Klingon and another fully grown, dangerously pissed version of the same.

Gotta go engineer a diplomatic solution. Gulp.

* * *

_From: Adm. Kathryn E. Janeway, SFHQ  
To: Cdr. Thomas E. Paris, U.S.S. Voyager_  
_Stardate: 65986.74  
Subject: Hope springs eternal__  
____  


I had hoped, these last few days, that your comm silence indicated B'Elanna had finally done the only sensible thing and tossed you out an airlock. But then this morning Chakotay sent me a report citing you, and all those hopes were dashed.

Anything new in the life of the most childish XO in the Fleet?_  
_

* * *

___From: Cdr. Thomas E. Paris, U.S.S. Voyager  
__To: Adm. Kathryn E. Janeway, SFHQ_  
_Stardate: 65987.2_  
_Subject: Rumor has it__  
____  


Childish, eh? Strange that a certain Vice Admiral enjoys comming me so frequently, what with my _total_ lack of maturity. Hmph.___  
_

Domestic crisis averted last week by making my angry wife her favorite dinner, then rubbing her feet for an hour. Also, we got Miral to stop crying by telling her to put on that sweater you made her. (It took her so long to figure it out, she forgot why she was throwing a tantrum in the first place...)_  
_

Past few days have been a grind, doing my job _and_ being acting Captain, as Chakotay's the keynote speaker for some conference on the anthropology of social hierarchy. By the by, he made- I mean _invited- _the senior staff to a dry-run of his presentation before we dropped him off on Bajor. ("The Hirogen: The Basics, Beginning with Alpha.") I imagine only Seven and the Vulcans made it through without yawning. Can't say for sure since I took the opportunity to get in a much-needed nap.

Speaking of hierarchy, a little birdy told me that you've been seen around San Francisco, looking quite chummy with the Captain of a certain flagship. Should I assume that Monsieur Picard is no longer mourning the loss of the thief-turned-Q's-Muse, and you, my dear Vice Admiral, have found a more _satisfying hobby_ than the activity a mere knitting needle can provide?

Cordially,  
Curious in Cardassia Sector

* * *

_From: Adm. Kathryn E. Janeway, SFHQ  
To: Cdr. Thomas E. Paris, U.S.S. Voyager_  
_Stardate: 65987.65  
Subject: Re Rumor has it__  
____  


Dear Commander Curious,

Please pass onto Mr. Kim that the next time he spreads unsubstantiated gossip about my persona life, he'll be playing that clarinet of his with an orifice other than his mouth. _  
_

No, no, _no_. Jean-Luc and I aren't dating. It's true that he's a nice, intelligent man, and has apparently become...very attached to me. But I think of our relationship in professional terms, _platonic terms_, and under no circumstance will that be changing.

Also, re Miral putting on her sweater, hardy har har. Glad to know that 'epic' wit hasn't failed you yet. [Grumble]

Sincerely,  
Single (I Said Single!) in Sol System

* * *

___From: Cdr. Thomas E. Paris, U.S.S. Voyager  
__To: Adm. Kathryn E. Janeway, SFHQ_  
_Stardate: 65988.1_  
_Subject: Rumor has it__  
____

"Nice man"?

Kiss of a death, coming from a woman. I take you at your word that nothing's going on there. Still, that line about him being 'attached' sounds vaguely familiar to a certain someone we both know, back in the old days.

Anything you want to talk about? I'll treat all information as top secret. (Promise)

P.S. Harry is now living in profound fear, and won't even disclose his location to me.___  
_

* * *

_________From: Adm. Kathryn E. Janeway, SFHQ  
To: Cdr. Thomas E. Paris, U.S.S. Voyager_  
_Stardate: 65989.22  
Subject: Re Rumor has it_

Well... Jean-Luc and I have to sit through all these briefings together on the Borg, and along with that comes the informal receptions and the working dinners. Which is fine, because he's a great conversationalist and well-read and yada yada. But to me it's _just work_. Until one night he brings out this wooden instrument he apparently got when he was implanted with the memories of a life he didn't really live, on some planet that died out centuries before, and plays it- _plays me a song,_ on this odd, little wooden instrument! During _a working dinner_! I swear I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. _________  
_

Now, Tom, I'm not a person without some semblance of self-awareness, nor am I ignorant to the fact that some of the crew used to call me 'Captain Touchy.' So maybe, possibly? by leaning into his conversation or trying to sound interested in his stories I've given the wrong impression. But this... misunderstanding is _bad_. As in, Chakotay humming at those alien dignitaries bad. And for all my diplomatic experience, I'm not quite sure how to get out of this.

Tactical recommendations?

* * *

___From: Cdr. Thomas E. Paris, U.S.S. Voyager  
__To: Adm. Kathryn E. Janeway, SFHQ_  
_Stardate: 65991.6_  
_Subject: Picard's ancient instrument  
_

Try not to be so hard on yourself.

Yeah, I guess the fact that you're warm and like to touch people in conversation might sometimes give rise to a few misunderstandings. (FYI- those rumors about you and Seven? Still going, despite the fact that one of you is now _married_.) But it's also part of what makes you such a great person, and such a great leader, and it would be a real shame to abandon that because one guy pointed his weird ol' instrument at you.

So, game plan: Beyond the old 'honesty is the best policy' approach, I would recommend that the next time things get a bit too chummy, you bring up a topic that's grounded in work _and only work_. Say, the excruciating pain of assimilation? Maybe then JLP won't be so tempted to toot his little kazoo at you...

* * *

_________From: Adm. Kathryn E. Janeway, SFHQ  
To: Cdr. Thomas E. Paris, U.S.S. Voyager_  
_Stardate: 65993.5  
Subject: Re Picard's ancient instrument  
_

I'm going to charitably assume, based on the genuine kindness and maturity of your advice, that this subject line isn't the crude joke I would otherwise expect from you.

And as a side-note, it really isn't a _kazoo_; more like a flute or maybe a lute. Though, you know, it does kind of sound like a kazoo... Whatever. I'd consult Harry's expertise in musical ontology, if he weren't still hiding somewhere, in fear for his personal safety. _As he damn well should be_.

* * *

___From: Cdr. Thomas E. Paris, U.S.S. Voyager  
__To: Adm. Kathryn E. Janeway, SFHQ_  
_Stardate: 65995.4_  
_Subject: Re Picard's ancient instrument_

Ma'am, you feel free to _assume_ whatever you like about the intentions behind the subject line.

But, just for the sake of clarity, you've been telling me you want nothing to do with Captain Picard's _instrument_? You have not one iota of interest in _the wood_ Jean-Luc is packing?_  
_

* * *

___________From: Adm. Kathryn E. Janeway, SFHQ  
To: Cdr. Thomas E. Paris, U.S.S. Voyager_  
_Stardate: 65996.3  
Subject: Re Picard's ancient instrument_  


To be honest, Commander... my standards are really quite high at this point in my life. I'd only be interested in some fairly sizable wood, and would never in a million light years find any instrument so hopelessly old to be of any utility to me.

Of course, I trust you to keep that information classified. Janeway out!_  
_


End file.
